Bursting from a new "Awakening"

I do not know how to begin to express the transformation that has occurred in my life, which got kicked off during the summer and is now charging full speed ahead. I also do not know where it will take me, or when or where it will end, which I hope it never does!

As the end of my undergraduate study loomed closer, I stressed, sweated and scrambled to find a direction for my life. The pathetic plans I threw up on the drawing board were too forced, spur-of-the-moment, not reflective of true self, and quite frankly - desperate. Included in this mix was my hanging on to a relationship in hopes that it would provide stability and security. I am now so grateful that God forced me to be still for a while longer and seek Him. I decided to return to Venezuela immediately following graduation and spend nearly 3 months investing time in my family and their ministry, but also seeking to know and understand the direction God had in store for my life. All in all it was a productive summer of renewal, self-discovery, and God-pursuing. I read a number of books including My Heart in His Hands (a biographical work on Ann Judson, the first American missionary woman), Stepping Heavenward, Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back, Discovering God's Will, Dating with Integrity, What Color is Your Parachute, and a good start on the Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer, which I intend to continue and finish very shortly. During those months, my heart and soul returned to rest while my mind prepared to dive into the most exciting adventure of its young life.

Back in the U.S., after toying with ideas of going to nursing school or studying applied linguistics, I settled down working part-time while trying to decide on a course of action for my future. The ball got rolling through The Truth Project, a series my young adults group from church was going through. My hunger and thirst for an all-encompassing reality of life began to be fed, awakening the dormant intellectual and scholar residing inside. I ate up every single one of the sessions I went to, feverishly taking notes, as I realized how the truth of Christianity and the Gospel was relevant to all spheres of life. While the information presented supplemented the foundational knowledge I already possessed, I realized my repertoire of theology, philosophy, politics and law was quite scant and I eagerly desired to enhance it. The next thing I tackled was Total Truth, an excellent work by Nancy Pearcey that I had sitting around but hadn't gotten around to reading. The subtitle of the book is: Liberating Christianity from its Cultural Captivity. I have been learning the dire importance of a solid biblical/Christian worldview. It has been through reading Total Truth that I feel my eyes have been opened to the universal truth of the gospel, the uttermost authority of God and His word, the complete fatality of any solution not beginning and ending with Christ and what He did on the cross. (Note: this is something I have already grasped in my heart and soul, but it has come full circle by grasping it in my mind, with the delightful realization that Christianity is also intellectually satisfying).

Somewhere along the line, an old repressed desire burst out into the light. I had long debated over the possibility of going to law school, but had firmly shut it out of my mind time and time again because it seemed too far-fetched, too pricey or too hard for me. But with God nothing is impossible! Now more than ever I am convinced of my inability to do anything on my own. But I know that my skills, talents and desires are God-given, including any and all opportunities, and I am equally convinced that He is able to do all things through me if He so desires. I just wish to be His most humble servant. In addition to studying for the Law School Admissions Test (LSAT) and getting everything ready to apply to law schools, my heart, soul and mind have come alive within me as I have never yet experienced. I am hungry to increase my learning, knowledge and understanding of many topics as listed above - law, philosophy, politics and theology. There is so much I still desire to know. I am so grateful to have been lifted out of the pit I was in and thankful that I have a goal to pursue. God has taken me from the miry clay; He has set my feet upon a rock!

What I have managed to put together here is just a scratching on the surface of what's going on inside, but I am on a new schedule where I go to bed at a decent hour and am growing weary at this late hour of 10 p.m.! It is also perhaps more information in one blog post than any normal person would like to read. I will end with some verses that model what's going on or that have encouraged/inspired me in this change in my life.

James 1:2-5 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."
(my theme verse of the year!)

Proverbs 4:7 - "Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.
Though it cost all you have, get understanding."

Proverbs 19:8 - "He who gets wisdom loves his own soul;
he who cherishes understanding prospers"

Matthew 22:37 - Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'"

Jeremiah 29:13&14a - "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity."

Romans 12:2 - "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."

2 Corinthians 3:5&6 - "Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life."

And last but not least, all of 2 Corinthians 5 is great but specifically verses 16-21: "So from now on we regard no one from a worldly point of view. Though we once regarded Christ in this way, we do so no longer. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.

Thank you for endowing my humble blog with your readership.

~H.M.

Soli Deo gloria!

Election worries & Peace from above

Election day is just right around the corner and I have to admit I've been getting a bit too caught up in it all. I've lied awake at night trying to sort everything out and figure out what's going to happen. But I can't control anything at all really. That's probably one of the hardest things to accept. But here are some verses I found in Ecclesiastes:

"I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind. What is twisted cannot be straightened; what is lacking cannot be counted." ~ 1:14-15

"I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him." ~ 3:14

"I saw that all who lived and walked under the sun followed the youth, the king's successor. There was no end to all the people who were before them. But those who came later were not pleased with the successor. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind." ~ 4:15-16

God is the only one in control of our lives and our circumstances. The things that come to pass are allowed in His sovereignty. Whenever there is a storm brewing around us, all God wants us to do is to rest in Him and take the peace He offers us that surpasses all understanding. It is wonderful to go to bed at night knowing that I worship and am known by the Creator of all things, that I may die yet will live forever, that all things will one day be made right.

Soli Deo gloria!

For a better recap of these thoughts, here's a link to John Piper talking about the "most important issues" in the 2008 election. He says "America is not my allegiance, God and Heaven are my allegiance." He's got some good stuff to say, check it out!

Inspiration from Anne

DISCLAIMER: if wishy-washy, sentimental, chickflicky stuff turns you off, DON'T READ!

It is 4:30 in the morning, but I must write. I have been "bad" and stayed up in the night watching Anne of Green Gables "The Continuing Story". I just love the story of Anne so much, as if it were real, and truly happened. And I imagine that I am she, and my soul is lifted up far and away. I'm deeply impressed by the author, L.M. Montgomery, who so delicately understood and described the complexity of emotions the heart of a passionate, idealistic young woman can procure.

I'm at a place in my life where loose ends seem to be tying up and my disparities of thought are come to a point. The craziness of my college life is settling down, and a new life is beginning to well up inside. I'm leaving behind my childhood, but not my dreams. I have a vision for how I might spend the rest of my life, and always I shall be writing, if only because it is necessary for my own heart. I don't even know if others will ever care to read my work, but even if what I write lies forever buried beneath a sea of words, articles, books and novels - it will at least carry my voice within it.

It might be weird to say that I have a bit of the spirit of Anne inside me. Indeed it is quite ridiculous. but she has played an important part in who I am now, and yet I feel that I have only been drawn to her because of how deeply her character resonates with my being. It is a treasure to have a better glimpse inside one's own soul, and even more so when it is understood by another. The most significant difference between us both, perhaps, is simply that my innermost desire is for my heavenly Father, my Lord and Savior. I hope that I will always seek my God with the intensity that Anne pursued her ideals and dreams.