May 2014 to May 2015: A Year of Grace

A time of transition is once more upon me. In two short weeks, I will be boarding a plane and most likely saying a permanent goodbye to South Korea. This saddens me for many reasons. I have grown to love this country in the two years (total) that I've spent here. I care deeply for its people and the welfare of its youth growing up under the distinct pressures of this society. I will be saying goodbye to over 70 students that I've had the honor and privilege of teaching at different times over the past year. I will be saying goodbye to my church family at Onnuri English Ministry, a beloved community of dear friends. It will hurt to leave and it has already begun to tear at my heart. As I've prepared for this upcoming transition, the realization occurred to me that “goodbye” is the hardest thing I've ever had to say.

And yet, as a dear friend reminded me, how wonderful to look forward to heaven where we will never have to say any more “goodbyes”! On Good Friday of this year, a sweet, precious friend of mine, Erica Geary, died suddenly in a car accident as she was en route to visit her family for Easter. When I received the news, my world felt very much shattered. My perspectives on everything were once more adjusted and patterned around this undeniable reality that life is incredibly fragile and fleeting. As I've struggled to say my own goodbye to a friend I'll never see again on this earth, I've been comforted by the knowledge that Erica loved Jesus more than anything and that we will meet again in a different place to once more worship and glorify our Savior side by side. ...in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. 1 Corinthians 15:52. Oh haste the day!

Another dear friend has also reminded me that sometimes a “goodbye” is necessary in order to say a “hello” to others. This is exciting and gives me hope and joy! When I leave Seoul on May 19^th, I will fly to Madrid, Spain to spend a month with my parents. I am overjoyed to be seeing them soon. While my mother visited me this past September in Korea, I haven't seen my dad since January of 2014. It will be wonderful to spend quality time with them. I am praying that we will use the time wisely and that we can be mutually encouraged during our time together.

Then on June 21^st, I will be returning to U.S. soil after being 13 months abroad! I will spend a few days in Harrisburg, Virginia with my sister and then will be participating in Flood Philly, a Child Evangelism Fellowship (CEF) ministry in Philadelphia. My primary responsibility will be helping to oversee a group of youth who will be receiving training in sharing their faith with other young people and getting a chance to put that into practice. After that event, my plans are less firm for the time being, but there are some good possibilities shaping up. Most of all, I am really looking forward to catching up with friends and family as much as possible!

I am grateful for everyone both in Korea and back home in the U.S. who has reached out to me over the past year via email, Facebook or phone in order to keep in touch and also everyone who has prayed for me. This year was full of very great and trying challenges for me, mostly related to my job, but through each circumstance, God gave me grace and strength to persevere. I have often been physically exhausted and mentally overtaxed which has resulted in my not keeping in touch well with many people I care about. I am sorry for this and wish it had been different, yet I am thankful for the understanding that so many of you have shown and hope I can find some ways to make it up to everyone!

Looking back I am truly astonished at just how much has happened in my life over the past year. The greatest changes are deep within, as God has uprooted many fears and wounds from my past to help me finally put them to rest. Through the hearing of God's word, and the grace and power of the Spirit enabling me to put God's word into practice, I have seen my faith be made sight as God has poured out His love in my life and given me many joys and triumphs in previously dark areas of my life. Praise be to God!

PICTURE TIME

Dinner with friends after church

Street worship with choir group

 

Bike rides in the countryside

Short but fun time with my uncle, Ray, visiting from the states

A fine, spring day in the schoolyard

     

     

     

Some more amazing kids I’ve had the joy to call my students

~~~

Psalm 107:7-9

7 He led them by a straight way

till they reached a city to dwell in.

8 Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love,

for his wondrous works to the children of man!

9 For he satisfies the longing soul,

and the hungry soul he fills with good things.

Amen.

Where I am

The past three and a half months of my time in Korea have resulted in being an unprecedented transformational period in my life which, Lord willing, will only continue. Sure, if you were to meet up with me today for a cup of coffee and we sat down to talk, you may not notice anything too different about me. But I can feel the difference.

I have not been sharing much in writing with anyone lately and I have only filled two pages of my personal journal since I arrived back in this country. The range of changes, emotions, trials, and blessings I've experienced have until now simply been too overwhelming to fully or even partially process. These things combined with the strenuous, exhausting nature of my long work schedule have swept me along in their rising tide. However, I'm slowly coming to a place where I'm beginning to feel my footing once more and I want to try to put down some of it in words.

For years I have felt as though I were just in a holding pattern, shifting about without an anchor, searching for love and meaning but coming up short everywhere I turned. I let feelings of failure from not achieving any sort of success in a career and the shame of public, messy heartbreaks nearly run my soul into the ground. Those of you who know my story well know that I've long regarded my sophomore year in high school as my darkest - a period of loneliness, bullying and self-loathing that frequently had me contemplating ending my life. However, God protected me from myself and brought me healing and restoration through His word and the kindness and love of other believers through the years.

Fast forward a decade or so and again I felt myself descending into darkness and despair following a devastating heartbreak and a particularly difficult and painful season at my workplace at the time. All hope seemed lost. I spent many nights weeping bitterly, hating myself and feeling absolutely wretched. Once more, I began to have more and more frequent thoughts of ending my life. It seemed the only viable solution to the constant pain that had overtaken my heart. Not only that but I was sure that I was a terrible Christian, because good Christians are full of joy in Christ and I believed I would be too if only I could whip myself into shape to pray and read the bible more. The stress of my job, the distress in my heart and worries about my finances had me eating a lot less and I lost 10 pounds in a matter of months, dropping down 2-3 clothing sizes.

In the midst of this continuing downward spiral, I suddenly became determined to return to Korea. There are many things that factored into my decision to return, but ultimately I felt a strong, undeniable call to take this step in faith. As I prepared to make the move, I felt as though I were holding on for dear life, my hope hanging by a splintering thread. Logically, I told myself that I was taking a job in Korea to become more financially stable and finally pay off my lingering college debt. A true aspiration and yet little did I know what else was in store for me.

As I shared with many before I left, I planned to return to a church in Seoul I'd been a part of before. However, when I arrived, the next membership class wasn't starting until October and there were no small groups I could join. Survival without fellowship seemed impossible so I set out to visit a different church I'd known about but had never attended on a Sunday. That is how I ended up at Onnuri English Ministry (OEM), a rather large congregation hosted by an even larger Korean church. I spent the first month of Sundays at this church crying softly though uncontrollably through nearly every service. During my weeks, I was experiencing some very difficult and painful circumstances at my new job and Sundays at church seemed to be my only respite. Some of these circumstances were akin to what I'd experienced back in my sophomore year of high school and never in my life had I felt so broken. Had God brought me to Korea to finally allow me to end my life? My days of struggling would be over and I would be so much happier in heaven with my heavenly Father, or so I thought.

God had other plans for me. I showed up at a membership class one Sunday and promptly became a member of OEM. A few weeks later, I joined a freshly formed newcomers' small group and started enjoying regular fellowship. Through the life-giving, gospel-centered preaching of my new pastor and the loving kindness of my brothers and sisters in Christ at OEM, I began to feel, for the first time in my adult life, deep healing and a profound restoration of hope. My gracious heavenly Father has laid to rest my anxious fears. The sword of His spirit has slain the lies I had long believed, spoken to me by the enemy of my soul. I am not a worthless, unlovable, fatally flawed nobody.

I am chosen, redeemed and forgiven. I have a glorious, imperishable hope in my Savior, Jesus Christ.

These days I am walking on uncharted ground. No longer do my feet tread down the well worn, familiar paths ending in despair, self-hatred and bitterness. Surely my life as a Christian on this earth is still a spiritual battle to be fought each day. But now I am fighting victoriously and my hope is secure.

I came to Korea expecting to just keep eking out my seemingly protracted, struggling existence. But thankfully God has much greater plans as he has used more suffering and the truth of His word to bring me to the freeing understanding that my life is in His hands. There is still much work to be done in my life, but it is God's power that will do the work and I can rest confidently in His assurance.

For “He does not deal with us according to our sins, nor repay us according to our iniquities.” Psalm 103:10 (ESV) Rather, “after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” (1 Peter 5:10)

What a great and mighty God we serve.

Just over 3 years. Just over 3 weeks.

The amount of time since my last blog post. The amount of time since I’ve returned to Korea. I’ve decided it’s time.

For those of you back in the U.S. or Spain who would like to know how I’m getting along, this is for YOU! Thank you for your support, prayers, love, well wishes, and for checking up on me and staying in touch. The past few weeks and months have really been a whirlwind of activity, emotion and decision making. Packing up belongings. Downsizing. Saying goodbyes. Uprooting. Yes, again. Then moving, traveling, and adjusting to a new city and a new job. It has been a lot to take in. Not in a bad way, but I have needed time to get into a routine and let the dust settle a bit.

What can I say? It feels incredible to be back in Korea. I have caught myself walking with a grin on my face, looking around, taking it all in, almost in disbelief, and saying to myself, “You’re really here!” Time and time again I have been thanking the Lord for giving me this wonderful opportunity to return. My first experience in Korea had a profound impact on my life and definitely changed me for the better.

I am sure that the second time around will be no less of a challenging and growing experience. This time I am working a longer schedule (by choice) where I teach 10 to 11 classes per day. I teach kindergartners until around 2 o’clock and then from 3:00 - 6:40 PM or 7:25 PM (depending on the day), I will teach various elementary classes. I even have 3 classes spread out over the week where I teach a small secondary level class of 13-year-olds. Every week I’m teaching everything from phonics, reading, grammar, and writing to vocabulary, debate and even a social studies class!

These are busy times for me. The days are long and packed with few breaks or times to plan. As a result, the days have been flying by and I can’t believe I’ve already been teaching for 3 whole weeks! While I think I’ve gotten myself back into teacher-mode fairly quickly, I hope to not only regain the previous skills I had acquired in the classroom, but also build on them and grow professionally. I feel invigorated and excited by the challenge of having so many classes and students. I find it very motivating and enjoyable to have a direction in which to push and challenge myself. There is plenty, and I mean plenty, of room for me to grow as a teacher and it’s pretty much up to me to take the initiative to do so. Everyday I am motivated to do better and be better. It’s exciting!

I have taken an exorbitant amount of pictures since my arrival, so I am having difficulty deciding what to post. For now I’ll just post a couple of my favorite shots so far. If there are requests for pictures of anything in particular that sparks someone’s interest, just let me know. One of the things I love about exploring Seoul is that it’s virtually impossible to go wrong. You almost don’t even need a plan. Just venture out and you’re bound to stumble upon history, culture, hiking trails and ultra-modern architecture or some other exciting thing around nearly every corner.

By the way, Seoul is full of mountains and hiking is a popular, national past time, so I aim to do my fair share of hiking while in the country.

Enjoying the view atop Achasan Mt., the one nearest my apartment

Achasan Ecological Park

Overlooking part of the Dongdaemun Design Plaza in downtown, Seoul. It is very impressive and much larger than my camera can adequately capture.

A stream runs through Guri City, making it’s way to the Han River

Walking up the steps of a train station

Dongnimmum Gate in Independence Park

Panoramic view near the top of Ansan Mt. (Inwangsan Fortress in the left background. N Seoul tower in the right.)

Until next time!

Venga, Vale…Vale, Venga …Vale Vale!!

These two words are essential to the vocabulary of Spaniards. Their conversations are always interspersed, punctuated or at the very least, sprinkled with these words. Vale means literally, “it’s worth it” or simply “ok”. Venga means “come here”. But they are always thrown into sentences left and right in any combination. I once heard a lady carry out nearly an entire conversation on the phone with someone using only these words – no joke! So, there you have it, just one of those idiosyncrasies of speech here in Spain.

Of course, they also say a good many other things, and I often struggle to understand it all. Castilian Spanish, with its raspy and sometimes harsh sounds, differs drastically from the rather smooth and blended sound of the Caribbean Spanish I grew up speaking. All the same, I’ve really been enjoying my time in Madrid. It’s been a little over 5 weeks since I got here, but I haven’t been doing a great job of keeping people updated or posting pictures. I’m currently planning a quick trip to nearby Lisbon, so I wanted to write an update before I take off tomorrow.

Barcelona

During the week leading up to my birthday, my parents and I drove to the eastern city of Barcelona. It is the capital of the autonomous province of Catalonia, and they have their own official language, Catalan. It sounds distinctly different from Spanish and French, although it’s supposed to have derived influence from both languages. While quite impossible to understand when spoken, it wasn’t too hard to make out the meanings of street signs and such, especially in comparison to reading Korean! I loved getting acquainted with city, but my favorite things were definitely visiting the arquitectural works of Antoni Gaudí, especially the Casa Batlló. The following pictures show the exterior façade, an interior stairwell, and the rooftop of the building. The design is inspired by the ocean, thus the blues, curvy lines, whalebones and nautical undertones throughout.

We also got the chance to go inside La Sagrada Familia, a famous cathedral also designed by Gaudí. His works are spectacular and I was quite frankly overcome with awe and admiration for them. I had often heard of Gaudí and his works during my Spanish classes in high school and college, so it was a real treat to get to see them for myself. I took an obscene amount of photos during my trip and I haven’t even been through all of them yet, but here are a few of La Sagrada Familia.

The exterior has been under construction for various reasons for over a hundred years.

Close up of the outside

Inside, the bone-like columns and spiny arches seem to rise infinitely above

After spending several days in Barcelona, we drove a couple hours north to spend a night in the medieval city of Girona, Spain. I especially enjoyed the old German and Roman gardens along the great wall that surrounds the city.

Inside Girona

Old Garden

On the way back to Madrid, we stopped by the ruins of Belchite, a town that was bombed out during the Spanish Civil War in 1937. Climbing through all the rubble and poking in and out of the shells of homes and churches, I was left deep in thought about all the devastations of war.

I learned a lot and had my horizons expanded by this trip. I’m so glad I had the opportunity and that my parents love to travel and explore, too. Undoubtedly a memorable experience I’ll look back on in the years to come.

Thanks for reading!

Love,

Heather

It’s time to leave

Wow. Incredible. I am currently at the end of my time in Korea. Don’t know if I said this before or not, but it really feels surreal. In some ways it feels like it was forever ago that I came here, but in many more ways it feels like it was just yesterday. This year has been full of challenges and joys and I’m grateful for all I’ve learned.

This week I taught my final kindergarten and elementary classes. I watched my precious kinder students graduate and move up to first grade! I said some tearful goodbyes to students and co-workers. And once more I’m all packed up and ready to move. Transition, transition – it never seems to end. I think I will always feel like a stranger and traveler in this world. In the midst of uncertainty and new beginnings, I am thankful for the reminder of just how transient this life is, and how I’ll never be completely at home until I am with Christ in glory.

I’ve been pretty busy lately and under a fair amount of emotional/mental stress. I think it’s got me feeling a bit like a broken record. I can’t fully process everything because so much has been happening. But I am looking forward to some time of renewal and recuperation. There is a lot of change in my life right now, but I know it’s going to be ok. I am excited for the future and I look forward to continuing on the path set before me.

Tomorrow I will move out of my apartment and travel out to the area near the Incheon Airport. I’ll stay at a hotel for my last night and be on my way to Spain the next day! I am so happy to be seeing my parents again very soon and getting to explore some more of Spain and Europe. Life is great and I’m so thankful for mine.

Grace, Daisy and Amanda on the morning of our last field trip.

My co-teacher, Amy, and I

Sally, Amy and Grace after their graduation!!

A new year and more countdowns

This year has started off in a flurry of activity. January flew by much more quickly than I thought it would and now I find myself facing a mere 21 days left in Korea. I can hardly believe it! A year ago I was getting psyched up to plunge into the great unknown and now I am preparing to leave the place that has become my home.

I’ve been pretty busy with my job and and church/bible study on the weekends, but I’m also trying to do last minute things in Korea and make sure I see all my friends at least one more time to say goodbye. In January, I had the joy of attending the wedding of one of my best friend’s here in Korea, Leanne. This first week of February I had 3 days off from teaching, so I took advantage of the vacation by going with some friends to a ski resort about 3 hours away from Seoul. I only skied for a couple hours, however. The rest of the time I just enjoyed the beautiful scenery, the fresh air and the good company of two girl friends – or napped!

I’m really looking forward to the next phase of my life, whatever it will hold. At the same time, it’s very bitter sweet to be facing the reality that I will have to say my goodbyes to 9 little students that have become the center of my universe. I love their adorable, spunky, crazy selves to death. It’s hard to think of when I’ve faced a more difficult goodbye! On February 27th I’ll say a final goodbye to Korea and hop on a plane for Madrid. I expect to return to the U.S. sometime in April. I can hardly wait!!!

For now I’ll leave you with some recent photos with my students and also of my trip to the ski resort.

Amy, Sally, Amanda & Kelly

Here the kids are making pasta jewelry for art class

Some views at the resort

Counting the Days

There are just 18 days till Christmas. And yes I’m counting. But actually, I’ve been counting down the days since September. Really. Shortly after purchasing my plane ticket for Spain, I installed a desktop widget/gadget thing on my computer that is ticking down the days, hours, minutes and seconds until Christmas. Well, not Christmas exactly, but rather the approximate time of day that I will get to see my family and Jonathan again. Never before have I so eagerly and earnestly looked forward to a time of seeing loved ones.

Strangely enough, as the time remaining is quickly dwindling, I’m finding it even harder to patiently pass the time I’ve left to wait. Why am I so impatient? Why do I yearn for something so badly it almost feels like my heart is breaking? Where is my tough girl persona, the Miss Independent spirit who can stick out all things, weather all storms? Again, I can’t remember ever before craving so badly the company of loved ones. And yet as eager and excited as I am, I’m also feeling a twinge of dread, knowing that after a short and sweet jet lagged week I’ll have to pack myself off again for another two months back in Korea. It is really difficult to be alone in the world.

I understand that people move and lives change and things are never the same. I know that we often must make do with new circumstances and settle down in new environments. But why do so unless absolutely necessary? Why give up even a moment of time that can be spent with family and dear ones to do anything else? I’ve had to come to terms with some deep emotional feelings I’ve experienced since being here. In spite of living in a bustling city, I’ve been struggling with extreme feelings of loneliness. And while certain individuals from my church have really reached out to show me love, my efforts to plug into any sort of semi-permanent, consistent community have been in vain. I am rather starved for affection and for the companionship of people who know me intimately. To surmise, I will definitely, seriously deliberate very carefully before ever venturing off by my lonesome to the far ends of the world.

Undoubtedly, I will remain in this country up to the completion of my contract. And I will always hold tenderly my memories of my interactions with my dear little students. Indeed I will miss them greatly, and the pain of leaving them will be something fierce. I get tears in my eyes just thinking about it. But I am comforted in knowing that they belong to decent families who love and care for them and want to offer them the best opportunities at their disposal.

On a different note, this whole experience (of being far from any family and virtually alone) has for some reason gotten me thinking about orphans and their enormous need for love and acceptance. I am very fortunate to have a family to visit and spend time with and the means to reach them. At this moment, the number of orphans in the world is at a number roughly equal to half the population of the United States. Recognizing my own felt need to be loved and be in close relationship with others, I can’t help but feel deep compassion for all those little children who are much more alone in this world than I am.

Fall Highlights in Pictures

(If you usually read my posts as an email, you may need to head to my blog to see the pictures: thetideschange.blogspot.com)

 

FROM SEPTEMBER:

School field trip to an ice museum

Amy and Daisy wear traditional Korean hanboks and make rice cakes, songpyeon for Chuseok (Korea’s Fall Festival)

Playing Ultimate frisbee in the mud and rain at my church’s picnic

FROM OCTOBER:

A visit to the royal palace of Gyeonbokgung

Impersonating Justin Bieber just for fun on Halloween

From November:

With my small group from our church retreat

Enjoying some all too rare one-on-one time with Grace, a student who has worked her way into the deep, inner recesses of my heart.

And there you have it, a brief chronicle of my recent life in pictures. I hope you enjoyed them!