May 06, 2005

Last Post of the Semester and academic year 04-05!

Hello dear xanga buddies and others who just read people's xanga sites.

This semester is quickly drawing to a close and in the midst of all the hustle and bustle I've decided to take a moment and dedicate a little time to this entry because it will probably be the last one of the summer and maybe my last one ever. I don't know if xanga sites are a good thing or not because they can take up a lot of time. Anyways, I prefer to get to know people in person than by reading their "blogs" so I realized it's kind of weird to get to know each other through cyberspace. But then I do like having somewhere to voice my thoughts and maybe put out a lame poem or two and some of my latest fav. digital photos. Maybe I'll keep the site. Well I know I won't pay for Premium anymore. Hm, ok with all this "business-like" boring stuff out of the way, I'll get down to something worth mentioning.

This academic year has been wonderful. Coming to college was a huge step in my life (obviously) and probably for most other freshmen here. I was scared in the beginning but now I'm beginning to agree with what many of the older people I look up to have told me: that college years are definitely some of the best of your life. I've made a decent-sized handful of truly good friends that have blessed me in so many ways. And then there are many other lovely acquaintances of mine that I'm looking forward to getting to know better in the years to come! So, what have I learned? How have I changed? I think I've changed. I hope so. Here are a couple things:

1. I've learned that God is faithful. A lot of times we want and expect God to be faithful in the big things of our lives, like finding a job or picking the best major/career for us. While He is faithful in these things in His timing, He is also faithful in the little things on a day to day basis that I think we overlook a lot of times. He gets us through each day, giving us the strength to carry on and teaching us little lessons about what is truly meaningful in life. His faithfulness is so great. It's as real as the fact that every morning we wake up and there is a new, unblemished day ahead of us that God has given us to glorify Him. And we can go forth with hope and gladness because we KNOW that he has an exciting future planned out for us.

2. I've learned that academics or pursuing my major is not the most important thing. Before those things is my relationship with the Lord, and after that my relationship with friends. Because these are the only things that we take with us from this earth.

3. As some of you probably know, I've struggled quite a bit with my identity. It has been ridiculously confusing for me to figure out who I am, where I should claim my heritage from, what culture I belong to, and also what country I wish to spend the rest of my life in. My life is a mixture of Venezuela and America melded together and I've realized that I'll never be one or the other. While presently I feel much more closely tied to the Venezuelan culture because it was my home for 15 years, with time I may find myself identifying more with Americans and speakers of my first and best language, English. But lately I've finally realized what my true identity will always be. I am identified with Christ and with the body of believers on this earth. I am forever marked and sealed with the Holy Spirit. When God pointed this out to me, I joyfully accepted that fact because now I have something to fall back on, a heritage that will last forever and one that I am intricately and so graciously woven into.

4. This one kind of goes along with appreciating God's faithfulness. I used to have many insecurities that caused me to be pessimistic about everything, relationships with other people and also the possibility that anything could turn out right and ok! I used to think most things were impossible, because either I wasn't a good or cool enough person to be able to do something well, or that something would go wrong and ruin it. It's really a horrible outlook to have on life, and after a while your friends always think of you as a bitter and cynical person. And I was. I have switched schools and locations so many times in my life that I lost count. I got used to people going in and out of my life and sort of came to the acceptance of a false belief that eventually, everyone you know will at some point leave your life. With this pessimistic outlook on life, I wasn't leaving any room for God's blessings and planning. But along with learning more about God's faithfulness this year, (starting off with giving me a wonderful roommate), I've learned to trust Him. When we cast our fears and cares on Him without holding back, and trust that no matter what everything will work out for our good and for His glory, peace begins to spread more and more into all the spheres of your life. God truly is good all the time. When I can see more of the Big Picture and let go of my bitter, pessimistic tendencies, my life in the now becomes more richly colored, and the insecurities and fears that used to darken my thoughts fade into spots of sunshine of God's goodness.

This summer I'll be working at Sacandaga Bible Conference in Broadalbin, NY (about 1 hr north of Albany). I have wanted to go back ever since I worked there as a housekeeper with my good friend Christy 3 years ago. It is any amazing Christian camp that has been a part of me growing up, and a part of my parents' life before me, and I have seen how God has worked in wonderful ways in the lives of the kids who go there, including one of my dear young cousins. It is set in the beautiful Adirondacks on the shore of Sacandaga Lake. I will be a camp counselor for 10-15 yr old girls and I can't wait to get started!

Before that awesome job, however, I will be going to Christina's house and visiting Elise and then going to Rockbridge!!! WOohoO! There is also another wickedlysweet, totalyawesome, superfantastic trip planned that is too cool to describe presently. But in summation, the future, at least for the summer, looks especially bright and I'm very excited to discover all the treasures God has in store for me.

To all my friends, I wish you the best for your summers (although I can't see how they can compete with mine! jk). I hope that whatever you end up doing that you will have a great time and get refreshed and come back all rejuvenated to start off the next academic year with a bang. It's been lovely shovely (phrase borrowed from my dear grandpa) getting to know you all. You are the sunshines and flowers of my life. I love you a million red M&M's . And a big THANKS to all who gave me their gift of friendship this year.

Well I guess that's about it. A nice long post with (shock shock), no pictures! I've been too busy to take any new ones!!!

signing off now,

Heather (the girl of no nicknames)

*peace out*