procrastinating

Who am I kidding? I really don't do my homework. At all. I never EVER read for class. What has gotten into me? What happened? Where did every little single ounce of motivation go? I have no clue... But I will say this. These past couple of days I have felt more and more at peace. And that's probably because I'm spending more time in the word. I feel so utterly and completely lost when it comes to what direction I'm headed in beyond graduation (even next semester!) I'm one of those people who just doesn't know what to do with their life, never has really had a big dream to follow, or at least a feasible dream. Wait I think dreams aren't supposed to be feasible. Or are they? Idk. Well anyhow yeah ... motivation...where the heck did it go? I wish I were inspired to do my homework but I'm just not. I wonder if it's just that I'm really lazy. If so, how do you change that? Somehow I'm holding out As and maybe a B+ somewhere in my classes, but I feel like I'm barely getting by. I just wish classes would come to life and suck me into them and just be totally engrossing and something I feel is worthwhile. But if u can skip class and not really miss ANYTHING important, it kinda makes you wonder what exactly it is you are paying for when you go to college. Maybe it's the food...

Well so I really don't do homework until I absolutely have to and I don't ever feel like I'm doing something thats good and certainly never great. Whatever is happening needs to stop if I'm ever going to make it through the next year and a half of college. I've been looking at the ratings for the professors I have next semester and they don't look so bright... But wow, a year and a half left... That means already 2 and half years done! I'm more than halfway through!! I never even imagined getting this far...seemed so far away. But then these past two years have seemed forever long...I'll definitely be glad to be done with college I think. Ok enough boring talk about college and how I'm not particularly enjoying it. I will say this, college is a blessing because its one big endurance test...and just by going through with it you are persevering and maturing and learning. I may not feel like I've learned anything but I know I have. I've learned lots of life lessons. Like how NOT to go about dating someone. Yeah some lessons hurt and the pain doesn't subside for a while, but like I tell my sister and many wise people have said "time is the best healer". It's true it works!! Actually God is the best healer, but I definitely think he employs time in the healing process. I haven't written a poem in forever. I suppose that's something everyone should be thankful for (haha jk). I guess I'll try to write one. Writing always used to get me inspired in the past. Perhaps my neglecting it is why I've been so slack lately.

The heart of a person, where the soul abides,
is a very busy place indeed....and yeah i think that's all the "poem" writing im gonna do. hardy har harrr

*peace out*

Living in a broken world

When I got back from yet another World Regions movie last night, I realized that things are stirring in my heart. Some films are great at creating/maintaining an awareness of injustice. City of God, Moolaadé, Hotel Rwanda, The Interpreter, Azucar Amarga, Maria Full of Grace, Rabbit Proof Fence, The Constant Gardener, and Lost Boys of Sudan are just some of them. There is so much injustice in this world. I grew up seeing a lot of it with my own eyes. I've seen the despair of poverty, the chilling snub of racism, abandoment, shame, orphans, AIDS. But I never had to suffer myself. I am so blessed. Blessed beyond reason. Why me? I can’t get over the genocides, the apartheids, the Tasmanian extinction, the horrible treatment of our Native Americans, the slavery of our colonial times. The slavery of today. The child prostitution and human trafficking. The daily struggle just to eat. So many people in this world fight to survive every day and just live a simple existence free from oppression. I can’t allow myself to forget, to move on, to live in a reality above all this. I can never forget what I’ve seen, how the friends of my childhood live, with so little comforts. The children with their big eyes in their upturned faces reaching towards you. Reaching towards a cheap plastic toy as if they were reaching for the Hope diamond. Reaching for love, a piece of bread. Happy gleeful giggling and dancing about after receiving the smallest of gifts. I cannot forget. I will not. Though I’m surrounded by luxury and opportunities and experience these for myself, I will not accept it as the norm. I will try to make the most of my education. Once I have this I shall do what I can to give back to those who do not have. Whatever it takes, whatever is asked of me. I do not care. All I have is nothing to me when little children in the world starve to death. What can I do? How much longer will people suffer? When will justice come to pass? But I have no money to give, no food and clothing for the masses. I have this alone to share: the message of Christ crucified - the gospel; salvation and forgiveness, the unconditional love of my heavenly Father. At least this living water will never run out, its source never dry up; there is more than enough for all - His grace is sufficient!