It has been quite some time since my last update and I am very sorry about that. For multiple reasons, it seems that I just couldn’t focus enough or find the time to know what I could even write about. But I want to let the world know I’m still alive and talk about some things I’ve been learning. I came here as a teacher, but I feel more like a student.
I have long since passed the point where things here in Korea seem new and novel. In September, I realized that I feel relatively settled and at home here in Daechi-dong, Seoul. It’s crazy to think that I have just a little more than 4 months left before my contract is completed. It definitely feels good to be considerably past the middle “hump”. Over the summer there were a few occasions where things happening at work and in my life were really rocking my boat. I was constantly in fight or flight mode, and came within a hair’s breadth of quitting. Thankfully, I am still here plugging along.
Yes, just plugging along. I don’t feel like I’m thriving and I don’t ever have opportunities to relax and regroup my frayed nerves or get away to a quiet place to be refreshed. And while I’m not very likely to freak out too much about ridiculous things at my job anymore, I’m also not jumping up and down with joy about it either. And in the midst of all this I’ve realized my real struggle has been about contentment. My time in Korea has continuously been about being stretched, falling down and getting up, trying and failing, and then trying again. I am forced to sit back and look at the “big picture” daily to hone in on what really matters most. More than anything I just want to be content. I want to be satisfied by what really matters. If I am not sustained by God Himself, the Bread of Life, I will not be satisfied at all.
And so it is that every single day I have no alternative but to look to God for strength, wisdom, peace, joy and patience. I find that I will always feel restless except that I rest in Him. It seems like such a rudimentary concept, but to be honest, if it wasn’t for its absolute necessity for survival, I would probably be doing a lot more things on my own strength rather than wholly relying on God. I find myself daily at the very end of my rope - worn out and exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally. And yet as I push deeper and deeper into God and drink more heavily of what He has to offer, I am overcome by an overwhelming sense of gratitude. The very things that drain me the most (work, cultural differences, relationships, & separation from loved ones) are in fact making me more free to pursue the glorious riches God is offering me. It is only when we truly see how empty and hollow we are in our brokenness that we are in a position to be filled.
“Why spend your money on what is not bread, and your labor on what does not satisfy? Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.”- Isaiah 55:2
For many years, and perhaps my whole life, I have been in the habit of seeking to please/indulge myself when I am worried, anxious, upset, frustrated, or just tired. This world offers a whole array of pleasures to partake of: movies, eating, sleeping, internet browsing, shopping, reading gossip blogs, and many more. But they are no better than fast food; as soon as they are consumed they leave you feeling cheap, bored, irritable, empty and more than likely – guilty. While marked by, affected by and predisposed to life-long bad habits, I am learning about and yearning for the true “richest of fare”. If I walk away from this year in Korea with this having been the only lesson learned, I would have to wholeheartedly agree that the cost is definitely worth the reward.
~Heather
Coming soon… pictures, pictures and more pictures! Maybe some video, too. Let’s keep those fingers crossed!
