These are crazy times we are living in. North Korea decides to launch an artillery attack against a South Korean island which amounts to be the gravest “incident” since the end of the Korean war and claims two South Korean lives. And yet a recent stampede of panicked people in Cambodia resulted in the deaths of over 350 people! I was truly horrified to read about this story along with the disturbing account of finding 2,000 aborted fetuses being stored under a Buddhist monastery in Thailand. To put things plainly, living in Asia has certainly been a time of more drastic exposure to all things weird and tragic. And no, I do not include kimchi in that mix because I rather like it these days.
Living in Venezuela allowed me to essentially witness various sobering events and be aware of the horrors of domestic violence and general lawlessness. I suppose growing up with a measure of instability under the strengthening regime of Hugo Chavez has also helped me to face danger and uncertainty with little to no fear. Still, being so close to North Korea has its way of wanting to make me feel a little panicky…but I’m doing my best not to and really we’re are all just continuing life as usual. I think I will at least make an effort to put important documents in an easy to reach spot if I need to make a quick exit. But see, this is exactly what I don’t want to do. If I start thinking about all the “what ifs” and planning exit strategies (which could potentially come in handy), its much easier to start worrying about things. And I really don’t want to. So I will stick to life as usual.
Speaking of my normal life, I haven’t written much about it here lately. There isn’t a whole lot to talk about either. The things that I get excited about are still to come, like seeing Jonathan and family for Christmas in Spain or finally finishing up my contract in February!! I’m not gonna lie, I’m ready to be done! I don’t mind too much that my life is reduced to a very repetitive, somewhat restrictive schedule and neither do I mind my students because I truly love them to death. But it’s the teaching part, the job part. Even though I literally do my very best, I will always feel like I’m not doing enough for my employers and they want me to do more. I’m so plumb worn out and really need down time to recuperate. Recently, my afterschool class on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons was eliminated because the students were moved to a different hagwon to prepare for entering public school next year. So during this time it now falls on me to do all sorts of random jobs for the school like editing, making tests, making endless lists of words and definitions, etc. Where I used to be laughing and playing with my beloved students I now face tedious, lonely hours in the afternoon staring at a computer screen or piece of paper doing extra work that none of my co-workers do. I asked to take a pay cut and just go home during those hours but was resolutely refused.
I’m just burnt out. Plain and simple. I mean, yes, I can keep eking out my existence and doing whatever extra, odd jobs are thrown at me. But it is not in my contract to do this type of thing and I already feel significantly used and misused for episodes in the past (like the time when the school took my personal guitar from my classroom so that another male teacher could have a photo op with him “playing” guitar with his class for music time and his photo with MY guitar proceeded to be printed in color in the school newsletter while there was NO picture of myself, my guitar and my class where I regularly play with them.) But like I said, I can keep doing this, but there comes a time after you’ve been pushed, pried into, shoved, forced, boxed, pulled, coerced, etc into so many directions and positions to please every client person at your school besides yourself that you start wondering how much longer your once creative, fun-loving and free thinking mind can take it. What masquerades as open and democratic on the exterior is really Neo-nazism on the brain. Do you get my drift?
Anyways, I suppose it’s for this reason I haven’t been writing many updates at all lately. I don’t want to spend too many exercises reflecting on my current existence!!
Attempting a more positive note, lately I’ve been enjoying getting to know a couple co-workers better and just spending more quality time with them. I really have been blessed by the other 5 teachers I work with. Tomorrow, after work and a much needed dental check-up, I will be joining my co-workers and a bunch of other Americans (and a few Canadians) to celebrate Thanksgiving with a wonderful western-style meal! We are heading to the epicenter of international eateries in Seoul (Itaewon) and will be dining at some establishment that boasts fabulous Thanksgiving dinners. For $30 I sure hope it lives up to it’s claims! All the same, I will DEFINITELY be missing my awesome family back in Virginia this Thanksgiving. I’ve had the blessing of enjoying their company for the past 5 years during this time so it feels a bit strange to be missing out on everything. Still, I was reminded very strongly this week that I have so incredibly much to be thankful for. While my current employment is less than ideal, I at least have employment!! I can’t forget that. And in so many ways each one of my students is a huge blessing in my life. I am truly grateful for this experience overall.
Lastly, my promised pictures are long overdue, so my next post will be all photos.
Thanks for reading everybody and may you all have a very Wonderful and Happy THANKSGIVING!!!
~Heather
