I should be getting ready for the Pioneer Girls' Father/Daughter banquet that's happening in 40 minutes but there are many things weighing on my heart. Everyday I try my best to have a cheerful heart the whole way through, but there is so much crashing down all around that threatens to destroy that joy and leaves me inwardly grieving. Yet, it's not so much about myself. I used to really get down when I felt lonely and neglected - and I'm not going to lie, the temptation is still there. But even more so it's the brokenness, anger, hate and resentment that is displayed all around that brings me crying out to God in desperation. This world really is a bitter, twisted place and I'm so thankful that my true home is in heaven! I've tried to deaden my sensitivity because I hate getting all beat up about things, but still I care so much. And how utterly draining it is to love others day in and day out with all that I have and often feel nothing in return. I can't even begin to imagine the rejection suffered by my beautiful Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Abba Father, give me strength to go on! Without his daily influx of love and without the steadfastness of his Spirit, I would very nearly give up completely.
~H.M.
Thanks for the honest post. I'm thinking life and ministry is sometimes a lot like your picture of the snow and water in your last post... some melting & movement, some freezing & ice. This life certainly a mixture of old and new creation, and oftentimes this includes serving without seeing results, or worse, getting bad responses back from good efforts.
ReplyDeleteI echo Sandy's thanks for the honesty! And I think I know how you feel about the brokenness and anger and hate and resentment and suffering and outright evil that this world is full of! There is so much pain, and we are so so incapable of really doing anything about it! It's really only in the LORD that we find any hope at all, and for that hope I am so thankful!
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