March 26, 2009

In the open

I can't exactly put my finger on what this feeling is but in a way I feel overexposed. I have been a lot of situations this year that we outside my comfort zone which resulted in the comfort zone redefining itself so I'm sure its much larger now. But I feel stretched out and very vulnerable for some reason so I have a very strong urge to retreat into a safe hole somewhere far away and out of sight.

~~

I started following the Sovereign Grace Ministries blog and like what C.J. Mahaney said today:

No matter how much planning, scheduling, and discipline is present in my life, I will never completely redeem the time. I am a finite creature, limited in what I can accomplish, and further limited by my sin. So it should surprise nobody that I leave to-dos undone each and every day.

My joy is not derived from the flawless execution of my goals. My joy each day is derived from the person and work of Jesus Christ on the cross.

Only God gets his to-do list done each day. I need the cross of Christ each day.

March 24, 2009

Faith

So I'm entering a transition phase again and am trying to figure out what I should be doing with my life and in what direction I'm headed. I keep trying to find out ahead of time what's going to happen. When will I learn that I will never get to tell my own fortune? I need to spend more time obeying the revealed will of God in the Bible and less time trying to figure out how he is going to accomplish specific things in my life in the future. In the words of Oswald Chambers, "Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One Who is leading."

Why can't I just do that? Have faith. God is truly good. I have heard story upon story of God's incredible faithfulness in the lives of others who trusted him above all things. I have seen him work faithfully in my own life and the life of my family. I need to quit trying to push God around and just STOP and be STILL and know that He is GOD (not me). The God who was faithful to Abraham, Joseph, Ruth, David and Paul - that is my God! The God who has been faithful to Helen Roseveare, Corrie Ten Boom, Brother Andrew, and Arthur & Wilda Mathews - that is my God! How wavery and sickly is my faith. I need to whip it into shape! But even if my faith is no bigger than a mustard seed, God will still, always and forever, be faithful to me.

Selah.

And may I add that this statement from Eugene Peterson seems to be spot on: "The early stages of Christian belief are not infrequently marked with miraculous signs and exhilarations of spirit. But as discipleship continues the sensible comforts (those that depend on our physical senses) gradually disappear, for God does not want us neurotically dependent upon him, but willingly trustful in him. And so he weans us."

~H.M.

March 22, 2009

The One I desire

I've been either sick, traveling or too busy lately to have a chance to write here but I've had a lot of thoughts about things and have really been wanting to write. I jotted down some stuff on some receipt paper while I was cashiering the other day and thought I'd put it up here. (Thoughts directed towards God). It needs more polishing/shaping but since I don't have time for that...here goes:

When night falls I realize that all day long I have desired you.
The mystery of it all draws my heart time after time.
I spend my day searching for what I do not know.
Nothing else fills me.
I am left aching and gasping for breath,
By the things of this world so empty, so cheap.
I want to lay motionless on the floor until you move me.
Hurting and confused, I have no where else to turn.
I feel let down and alone yet you care to be there.
How long will I wait for you to come?
Come quickly and do not let me faint while I wait.

My legs grow weary as I'm always running to you.
But I will not relent this pursuit of you
Until I am surrounded by your splendor forever and ever.
Then I will rejoice in your constant presence, glorious!

I need you desperately, every hour of every day.
Won't you come and be with me now?
When my spirit recognizes your presence
I want to freeze the moment to forever dwell near you.
Like eye contact with a stranger that stirs something inside -
Except you know me more deeply than does anyone else!
I had been trading pieces of me for vanity and chains.
But now you have given me yourself
While taking all of me.
I was not lost forever, but you found me.
A love song everlasting is what I wish to sing!

~H.M.

March 02, 2009

LOST fanatic

I came across a foto of myself somewhere in the Venezuelan jungle and decided I needed to make it look like a LOST poster. This included removing my brother from the picture because he's bending over and it's hard to tell what he's doing exactly. I'm posting the finished product because I just had too much fun with it. Enjoy!

(If you decide to click on the image hit ctrl + to enlarge)




















~H.M.